Ever the optimist despite the awful trauma she’s experienced, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’s eponymous protagonist offers a lesson to us all on how to make the best of things even in the face of the unrelenting bleakness that forces itself into our daily lives through news and media outlets. And after being forcibly trapped in an underground apocalypse cult by a crazed ‘reverend’ for fifteen years, it’s perhaps no surprise that one of Kimmy’s most cherished dreams is to see as much of the world as she can.
It’s entirely possible that she’d download NAVA, too – that is, if someone showed her how to navigate the App Store. And get onto the App Store. And unlock her phone.
So if Kimmy found herself in Munich, we think it’s likely that she might be drawn to the places listed below – and would undoubtedly brighten up every single one of them with her irrepressible, unbreakable positivity.
FOOD & DRINK
Predictably, Kimmy and her fellow ‘Mole Women’ weren’t provided with a wealth of culinary experiences in their decade-and-a-half underground. Where might Kimmy head if she found herself craving a delicious snack or a decent meal?
Considering her childhood development was so suddenly arrested, of course Kimmy still has the tastebuds of a 14-year old. With that in mind, it’s likely that one of her first stops would be Schokifaktur – a chocolate shop that doesn’t just sell premade treats but also hands creative control over to the customer! Kimmy would relish the opportunity to decorate her own morsels – probably going horribly overboard on the toppings (as she’d well-deserve). Visitors buy a 100g chocolate bar and then head to the ‘Schokostation’ to garnish it with whatever tickles their fancy. The products make perfect gifts – unlike when buying your average custom-made chocolate online, you can really say you made it yourself at Schokifaktur.
Despite her often-childlike perception of the world, the sad fact is that by the time Kimmy is rescued she’s a 29 year-old woman who’s suffered a huge amount of mental and physical trauma. In the years following her re-entry into the outside world we see her struggle to adapt to a world that sees her as, and often expects her to behave like, a fully-fledged adult. Italian restaurant Master’s Home, with its mingling of fine-dining and the aesthetic spirit of a Scooby-Doo-esque mystery mansion, would perfectly appeal to both Kimmy’s hardened maturity and her bubbly adolescent naivety. Mixing atmospheric, ‘colonial style’ décor with a relaxed ambience, the restaurant offers practically every kind of cocktail one might wish for and a quirky approach to their menu: you’re provided with a set number of eight courses without any advance knowledge of what they are. Risky, you might think – but you’re given the option of skipping any time you want to the dessert! As if this wasn’t intriguing enough, the various rooms it’s possible to dine in at the establishment include bedrooms a library and a bathroom – Kimmy could literally eat her dinner in the tub! Why, you might ask? Well… why not?
Perhaps due to her own experiences with being vulnerable – and the fact that the only one she saw for 15 years was a dead rat in the air filter – Kimmy has one heck of a protective soft spot for animals. With that in mind, we think she would absolutely want to spend some time in the company of creatures both great and small to unwind from the stress of travelling.
Not only is it practically sure-fire that Kimmy would find her way to Café Katzentempel, we reckon she’d end up making repeat visits. This ‘temple of cats’ is fully vegan and home to a whole bunch of felines, all adopted from Animal Rescue. Guests can enjoy a mouth-watering breakfast surrounded by furry companions – though of course, we can’t guarantee they’ll necessarily be in the mood to hang out! In case it’s a concern, the cats are all treated with the utmost respect (as you might expect from a ‘temple’) – visitors may play and cuddle with them as much as they want, but only if the furry hosts are willing. Considering how much of her life she spent being forced to do things she didn’t want, we’re pretty certain Kimmy would love this policy. The cats really do rule the roost here; the café’s interior seems as much designed for their entertainment than that of the guests, with numerous playing and climbing opportunities for them to make use of whilst customers enjoy their leisurely breakfast.
Aside from turning the entirely-useless ‘mystery crank’ for hours on end or playing with an imaginary tennis racket (and ball, to be fair…) there wasn’t much in the way of entertainment down in the bunker. With this in mind, we’re sure Kimmy would be grasping every opportunity to have a great time – here are a couple we think she’d gravitate to.
Yes, we know this is listed as a cocktail bar and so technically should belong in the ‘food and drink’ category, but Kimmy isn’t much of a drinker. With that in mind, you may be wondering why this is on the list. Well, because it’s also an indoor beach complete with sandy floors, hundreds of deck chairs and heaps of volleyball to be played! The very concept alone sounds awesome to us, let alone someone who’s lived over half her life without even laying eyes upon the seaside. Sure, nothing can replicate the experience of an actual beach, but beach38° comes as close as possible in an inland city like Munich. We have no doubt that Kimmy would feel compelled to check this place out as quickly and as spiritedly as possible (and would have an amazing time).
Considering her bedroom is a glorified closet, Kimmy might want to spruce the space up a little with some of the plush, charming interior accessories and small furniture pieces and toys. The products in Zuckerschnürl would appeal to her not-so-inner child, with a special selection of inspiring decorations for her four (small) walls. Widely lauded as a magical store for both kids and adults alike, this is a must-visit for anyone looking for a wholesome and uplifting escape from the mundane. We have a lot to learn from children – they know how to enjoy even the simplest of things to the fullest. In the increasingly-complicated world of the 21st Century, we could all use a little of this quality in our lives. Zuckerschnürl aims to provide a space where you can both experience the glee of juvenescence and pick up some adorable trinkets to help create your own!
Kimmy’s education became somewhat stunted when she was told that the apocalypse had arrived and all life on earth had been eradicated. It certainly didn’t dull her thirst for it, though. Here are a couple of places where she could learn a little more about the world she’s been thrown back into.
Juristische Bibliothek im Rathaus
One of Kimmy’s defining character traits is that, upon recognising the imperfections and injustices within the world, she has a powerful desire to try and rectify them. This is particularly exemplified in the show’s final season in which she writes a children’s fantasy book – JK Rowling-style – in an attempt to teach young boys about toxic masculinity and gender inequality before they become too firmly set in their ways. This gorgeous, multiple-storey library situated within the New Town Hall would be a wonderful place for her to gain inspiration to write further stories in her saga. It’s interior is gorgeously-bedecked with Art Nouveau panelling and the railings of the spiral staircase and upper-levels are designed to resemble vine leaves – with the same design repeated in the lighting, giving the impression that they’re literally growing from the walls and ceilings! Whilst you won’t find the Harry Potter series amongst the library’s volumes (it’s all legal texts, we’re afraid) the building is a testament to the joys of education and knowledge and – to tie it all back to Kimmy’s strong moral compass – the march towards real justice in the world.
At a height of 190m, the view from the observation platform of the Olympiaturm (the tower standing within the 1972 Olympic Park) is rather staggering, granting visitors an astonishing panoramic vista containing the entirety of Munich along with the distant and majestic Bavarian Alps ascending to the South. The tower also has a revolving restaurant underneath the platform where guests can eat both European and International cuisine accompanied by all 360-degrees of the breath-taking spectacle below. There’s no doubt that a trip up this tower would be rocket-fuel for Kimmy’s wanderlust, and that she’d return to ground-level eager and excited to explore even more. We’re sure you would, too.
BONUS ENTRY: UNLIKELY CONTENDER
The repurposed carcass of a World War Two bunker would not, we suspect, be an attractive option to Ms Schmidt. If, however, you don’t object to sleeping in the renovated shell of a former Nazi fortification then this unique accommodation provides a lovely spot to rest your head! It’s actually not nearly as bleak as it sounds, with heated floors, spacious bathrooms and modern feature kitchens alongside flat-screen TVs in every room and free building-wide WiFi. What’s more, the designers have done a wonderful job of incorporating the bunker’s original concrete walls into decorative features within the rooms without making them feel cold or oppressive in any way. Probably not somewhere that Kimmy would want to stay, but if you happen to be one of those people who weren’t imprisoned underground for a decade-and-a-half then this is a beautifully-conceived and well-equipped hotel to plant your roots during a trip to the buzzing capital of Bavaria.